Does Grandparenting Live Up To All The Hype?

There’s nearly universal clamor that being a grandparent is…The Best! and…You Will Love It!!...and You Will Wish You Could Have Had Them First!!

Can it possibly live up to its reputation? Are some people just blowing smoke? Is it a lot of wishful thinking?
I’m nearly a year into the role and I have some thoughts.

What’s most striking to me is how the grandparenting relationship can flourish in far less time than the amount parents spend with their child. Parenting, of course, is 24/7. My version of grandparenting is to drop in once or twice a week for about two hours. I think it’s remarkable how I definitely feel like my granddaughter and I have clicked, like we have the beginning of a bond, in these measured amounts of time.

Essentially, the time is characterized by quality, not quantity. My full-on engagement typically involves sitting on the floor, at a very intentional eye level for her, and we play with her toys. She thrives on the attention.

At the very beginning, I wondered when my granddaughter would actually be able to identify and remember me. What can a 3- or 4- or 5-month-old brain recall? Being a parent is a very different relationship with a very different approach, always involving recognition. What I began to discover is that it actually didn’t seem to matter to her in the early stages. Babies are quite helpless, so maybe they are wired to allow anyone to lend care. Survival basically depends on that.

But being recognized is nice! Around six months is when it seemed to happen. It was first characterized by a stare, a pause, then a smile. Sometimes even a squeal! Now that’s some rare air right there! That’s something I’ll never grow accustomed to! As a parent, you expect this behavior, but as a grandparent, it feels earned.

Around 6 months, I also started to observe in greater detail how my son and daughter-in-law parented. There was a ton of intention and forethought for what is best for their baby. It was quite noteworthy how everything – from the car seats, to the bottle cleaning system to the toys and limited tv time – was carefully considered. This is all enabled by living in a time where access to information and products is at their fingertips all the time.

I believe I was equally as intentional as a young mom, but there was far less information available to us. Without the internet, there were just some books by the parenting gurus at the time. All I can recall is material about children’s behavior and sleeping routines. No Reddit threads with which to share thoughts, experiences and advice! No Amazon reviews to help determine whether a product is worthwhile or worth the expense. No podcasts that impart new childcare thinking and approaches.

If I had to crack the code on one of the greatest sources of contrast between early-stage parenting and early-stage grandparenting, I’d say it lies with energy. Mine is sometimes in greater abundance than theirs!

When I was a young mom, I never grew tired of watching my children when they were babies and beyond, but I did get exhausted from the physical and emotional drain of it all. With grandparenting, however, I have plenty of energy! And it’s conveniently delivered in short bursts, on my schedule. Then I get to renew it when I’m away. It’s magical!

I’ve discovered that the time apart also breeds anticipation. I really like that feeling too, the one where I eagerly await the next time I see her, then I walk in the door and she smiles when she spots me. Then I get on the floor and start watching her as she demonstrates small advances since the last time I saw her.

So far, much of my experience with grandparenting seems to revolve around simple pleasures and unexpected thrills. For example, I sat on the floor and she eagerly crawled over to me, then she used my arm to help her stand up straight, then she pulled on my shoulder-length hair, not hard, with a gleeful sense of experimentation, treating it like a toy.

She caught me by surprise, as she often does, and I believe that’s basic alchemy of grandparenting.