What Do I Want From My Son For My Birthday This Year?

Since I know it can be challenging for a son to buy a birthday present for his mom, I decided I’d help him out and offer a suggestion.

I didn’t need to think very hard about the issue because what I want has been swirling around in my head for a while. I believe it’s something that all moms want, but it can be in scarce supply.

It’s not hard to access, but it is hard to deliver.

It’s highly prized, and dissemination of it becomes a highly selective matter.

Here it is, no wrapping paper or bow required:

I’d like a nice, fulfilling chunk of TIME with my son.

I’m thinking 3 hours.

They don’t need to be delivered all at once.

I’d take them in 1 hour increments, or 1.5 hour sessions, or even all 3 at the same time, but I do like the idea of spreading it out.

I believe 3 hours is not too big of an ask, but it’s not nothing either.

What’s entirely negotiable is how we spend the time. I have nothing particular in mind. But I’m eliminating as an option time on the couch in his living room.

He’s a busy dad now, working to support a family of 4, and he has a yard to maintain and an aging dog that needs his daily attention.

But his mom needs his attention too.

I fully accept, however, that I’m at the bottom of the needs ladder, and I understand the reasons why.

It is my birthday though, and it’s the one occasion where I feel I can take some liberties.

Not too long ago, I was wired to take care of 2 boys, but I lost one prematurely when he was 23, and that was 5 years ago. So my son is the only boy I have and that means he gets all of my attention.

That might be a heavy load for him. It is what it is.

The truth is, I miss some of what once was. Change is hard. Nonetheless, I could see all the new circumstances coming from miles away, and I mentally prepared for them. But the attrition of time and connection is real. And it has emotional consequences.

The fact of the matter is that my son has 2 daughters who are 11 months apart! He can’t possibly be who he used to be.

I do know that my circumstances are not unique. All moms need to step aside and let go.

I also can see that he has definitely learned what an undertaking it is to raise children – all the time, energy, sacrifice, adjustment, patience and joy that it involves.

One day he will also learn the lesson of loss, of their time and attention.

Except that there’s really no way to fully prepare for it.