What Do Our Headstones Reveal to Grandkids and Others?

I’ve always been struck by the poor choice of information conveyed on nearly all cemetery headstones. They uniformly reference our status as a son/daughter, a sister/brother, a mom/dad and other familial relationships. And that’s about it.

The greatest tally of our lives, for everyone to know about us into perpetuity concerns…the familial roles we played in others’ lives? Isn’t that curious? And how did this come to be? And why is that ok?

I recognize the economy of space available and the fact that a headstone is not exactly a grand writing opportunity. The tradition, nonetheless, has stood the test of time, through so many generations.

I also realize that sad and mourning relatives are not at their creative best, so words may be failing them at the outset. But we must admit that headstone content is handled months later, when family members certainly have their wits about them.

Maybe it was a question of cost back in the day, and most people could only afford the minimum? And yet, they still couldn’t come up with some words with greater specificity??

When my son died at 23 year old, I gave this issue a lot of thought. It was extremely meaningful to me. I wanted to give a sense for who he was, with a flattering and illustrative description, maximizing the minimum amount of space. This is what I drafted:

Passionate Perceptive Pet-Adoring

Heroic Honest Handsome

Young Man

That spoke volumes, in my mind. And that is what I wanted to see…words that I know in my heart would well represent him. What was actually inscribed:

Beloved son, brother, grandson

Too briefly in our lives,

Forever in our hearts

I ask again, why are we reduced to our positions relative to others? I’m certain some people’s friendships can be tighter than the bonds with some family members. I’d also bet that our descendants would appreciate far more colorful descriptions of beloved and dead relatives.

If a relative was evil and despised, however, then stating the relationships may be all that’s possible to impart. But I don’t think that describes most of us.

We all deserve better. Therefore, we should all handle this on our own and take the time to say something meaningful ahead of time, if possible. It matters. If you can create a will, then you can give some thought to your headstone. Technically, it doesn’t need to be someone else’s responsibility.

Someday, my granddaughters and possibly great grandchildren and maybe even other descendants will gaze upon my headstone. I would really like them to know a few details beyond what they can see on a simple family tree. I want to speak to character and personality.

This is, after all, your last wave at the world, and it’s a lasting one.

There’s nothing like a solid writing challenge, and I believe this one qualifies. It also carries, um, a lot of weight (pun intended).