What Does Gratitude and Appreciation Look Like?
We yearn for some form of appreciation. Ya know, just a little gratitude. At some point in time, we’d like a tip of the hat for all the sacrifices we’ve made
eriously, does this potential problem really need a solution? Will this make kids too soft if they are able to dodge the pain that will inevitably come their way? Or is that too cold-hearted? Was I a mean mom?
There is a secret fantasy and buried source of longing that probably belongs to all parents. It’s quite simple. We yearn for some form of appreciation. Ya know, just a little gratitude. At some point in time, we’d like a tip of the hat for all the sacrifices we’ve made, all the time, energy and attention we’ve directed toward our offspring, covering a typically two-decade minimum time span, purely to nurture their independence.
I think we all understand that a child whose age is in the single digits cannot deliver on this desire. Certainly, a teenager is not going to do that either. And the young adult just starting out and struggling a bit, well, that kid is maxed out. No bandwidth for parental consideration. Assuming we’re not dying or suffering from anything dramatic.
Then there is the adult child who becomes married and – bam! – this person becomes a parent! Ah, now we’ve reached a real milestone, a real transformation! There was all the time before he was a parent, and everything that comes afterward. Including a new perspective!
This is where the magic lies. My son discovered – drum roll – that parenting is hard work!!!! But how do I know this? What makes me certain that he understands this point??
On a random Sunday evening, I received a text message (reader, are you sitting down for this one?) from my son that said:
“Before having kids I didn’t have enough appreciation for raising kids so thanks for raising me.”
Wow. I mean, there it is! He was 30 years old when he delivered that banger of a text. He was also 12 months into the parenting gig, with two daughters under his roof.
A warmth rushed through me, head to toe. But no time to waste, I needed to reply…this deserved some immediate feedback. I couldn’t think too hard.
I wrote:
“Haha! There’s no way to understand how much work it is until you do it yourself. And u r just getting started! You are welcome and I felt extremely good about my experience raising u! And maybe I’m not done (4 winking emojis, 6 heart eyes emojis)”
And then, I couldn’t restrain myself. I needed to ask:
“What struck today?”
And he wrote back:
“Nothing in particular.”
So, the feeling just rose from somewhere inside of him and that’s just fine, I’ll take it!!
In fact, I’m thinking of printing and framing his message. It’s a glorious capture of a spectacular moment. It defines fulfillment. Heck, what’s 30 years?
