Why Does One Person’s Vision of Protectiveness Strike Another Person as Preposterous?

Funny how conversations can get weird very quickly. The talk will be covering one topic, then suddenly, it gets sucked into the undertow of something completely different. And by different, I mean something unpleasant and uncomfortable. It inevitably catches you by surprise.

The topic across the kitchen table in my son and daughter-in-law’s house concerned the imminent milestone whereby my granddaughter would start walking. And with that activity comes, um, potential risks and hazards. Like she might fall backward and hit her head on the tile floor. Ouch.

Of course, in these modern times, there is a product for that! It’s the soft and lightweight Baby Head Protection Cushion Backpack that comes in many sweet varieties like a bumblebee whose head reaches high enough to cushion a skull should the toddler stumble backwards. Nice.

Except…humanity has survived for millennia without said product and will likely do fine for the foreseeable future. And yet, the product exists and has consumers. And undoubtedly some copyrights to go with it.

So Nana takes a beat to consider this and soon becomes a bit dismissive. I mean, ya know, we all raised our kids without this contraption and they did just fine. Seriously, does this potential problem really need a solution? Will this make kids too soft if they are able to dodge the pain that will inevitably come their way? Or is that too cold-hearted? Was I a mean mom?

No, in fact, I wasn’t. Well, at least I don’t think I was. A relative case in point that entered the conversation: when my son first started walking in the month of June, we were out on the sidewalks since the weather was pleasant. Noting the potential for falling, I thought he could use some knee pads so that if he tripped, he wouldn’t skin his knees which, on the scale of injuries, is admittedly low level.

But here’s where things got funky. I admitted that part of the reason I wanted to protect his knees was to avoid the drama that would ensue if he fell. I know that a skinned knee burns a lot – who doesn’t remember that pain? – but I also recognized that he would be ok, no life-long harm. However, if I could dodge the tears and the disruption to his mobility, why wouldn’t I? Even though this sounds like it was more about me and my inconvenience.

Of course, this spun the conversation in a completely different direction. Now I sounded like a mom who didn’t really care. But I did care! In my own way! Moms and dads save their kid’s life every day in any number of ways. But it landed (pun semi intended) completely wrong. He was clearly hurt. Then I was hurt by him being hurt.

I believe he thought I was being emotionally negligent and insensitive (but he didn’t raise himself and he turned out great and I think I’m partly responsible for that!). On the flipside, I think he’s a little extra protective. But, I had to ask myself later, is there any substantial harm in that?

I think the biggest take away from this little episode is for me to try a little harder to withhold judgment. As parents, we all try to do the best for our kids, and that looks different for every mom and dad.

I couldn’t help but wonder, though, what if she falls forward?